Ranée

The Rising

Yesterday, I spent some time revamping my yoga routines and associated playlists. In a previous post, I wrote about how I was inspired by Anodea Judith’s Chakra Yoga to create custom routines focused on each of the seven major chakras based on her suggested sequences. I expanded my routines by adding Judith’s kundalini chakra breathing exercises to the beginning of each one and increasing the times holding poses so that each one is now roughly 40 minutes. This morning was the first that I practiced one of the revised routines (anahata, heart chakra) and I was pleased with the result. It feels more wholistic to me—an exercise for mind, body, and spirit—which is exactly what I was going for. If you’re curious about the routines themselves, I highly recommend investing in Judith’s book as well as the precursor, Wheels of Life, a guide to the chakra system in general. My custom playlists for each chakra are listed below in case anyone is curious about those. The idea to create them came to me when I wrote that the yoga instructor character in my book played pop music during her classes instead of “traditional” yoga/meditation music. So, essentially, her classes are based off of Chakra Yoga and the music she plays during those are these playlists that I made.

Muladhara, Root Chakra: The Ground Beneath Her Feet

  1. “The Ground Beneath Her Feet” by U2
  2. “Stand” by R.E.M.
  3. “Dig Down” (Acoustic Gospel Version) by Muse
  4. “And She Was” by Talking Heads
  5. “I’m a Mother” by the Pretenders
  6. “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones
  7. “Body Electric” by Lana Del Rey
  8. “Shelter From the Storm” by Bob Dylan
  9. “A Letter to Fear” by Fantastic Negrito
  10. “Stand by Me” by Ben E. King

Svadhistahana, Sacral Chakra: Hooked On a Feeling

  1. “Hooked On a Feeling” by Blue Swede
  2. “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone
  3. “I’ve Got a Feeling” by the Beatles
  4. “Turn Me On” by Norah Jones
  5. “Undisclosed Desires” by Muse
  6. “Desire” by U2
  7. “Because the Night” by Patti Smith Group
  8. “Night in My Veins” by the Pretenders
  9. “Faith” by George Michael
  10. “Burning Desire” by Lana Del Rey
  11. “Sweet Emotion” by Aerosmith
  12. “Crimson and Clover” by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts

Manipura, Solar Plexus Chakra: Light My Fire

  1. “Light My Fire” by the Doors
  2. “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake
  3. “Beast of Burden” by the Rolling Stones
  4. “Into the Fire” by Sarah McLachlan
  5. “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen
  6. “Army of Me” by Björk
  7. “Mirror Master” by Young the Giant
  8. “(You Will) Set the World On Fire” by David Bowie
  9. “Uprising” by Muse

Anahata, Heart Chakra: Open Your Heart

  1. “Open Your Heart” by Madonna
  2. “What Is Life” by George Harrison
  3. “Between Two Lungs” by Florence + the Machine
  4. “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding” by Elvis Costello & the Attractions
  5. “Tenderness” by General Public
  6. “(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher & Higher” by Jackie Wilson
  7. “Breathe (In the Air)” by Pink Floyd
  8. “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper
  9. “Somebody to Love” by Queen
  10. “Love Is What You Need” by the Clarks

Visuddha, Throat Chakra: Good Vibrations

  1. “Good Vibrations” by the Beach Boys
  2. “If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out” by Cat Stevens
  3. “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?” by R.E.M.
  4. “High Fidelity” by Elvis Costello & the Attractions
  5. “Silence Is Golden” by Garbage
  6. “Cosmic Dancer” by T. Rex
  7. “Silent All These Years” by Tori Amos
  8. “Stop Whispering” by Radiohead
  9. “Drawn to the Rhythm” by Sarah McLachlan
  10. “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode

Ajña, Third-Eye Chakra: Beginning to See the Light

  1. “Beginning to See the Light” by the Velvet Underground
  2. “Digital Witness” by St. Vincent
  3. “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash
  4. “Cosmic Love” by Florence + the Machine
  5. “Disillusioned” by A Perfect Circle
  6. “Light My Way” by Audioslave
  7. “Let It Be” by the Beatles
  8. “So Tonight That I Might See” by Mazzy Star

Sahasrara, Crown Chakra: Higher Love

  1. “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood
  2. “Kyrie” by Mister Mister
  3. “Like a Prayer” by Madonna
  4. “Say Hello 2 Heaven” by Temple of the Dog
  5. “My Sweet Lord” by George Harrison
  6. “One” by U2
  7. “Higher” by Creed
On Writing, Ranée

Disorder

Creativity requires a certain amount of disorder—a good kind of chaos, if you will, and I fully admit to being a bit Scarlet-Witchy (OK, more than a bit). However, in this post, I’m talking about the bad kind of disorder, the sort that comes from a lack of clarity and has nothing to do with creative spirit.

I’ve spent some time this week migrating content that I’ve written for my current story from my notebooks into Scrivener and, in the process, I’ve come to an important realization—I should not be writing when I’m depressed or stressed out unless I’m just writing about how I’m feeling. I haven’t got much of substance to show for the months when I’ve been trying to write while feeling bad; the little that I do have is a jumbled mess. All of the more organized threads that flow into actual chapters were written prior to depression and anxiety setting in. It is exceptionally difficult for me to maintain a decent level of concentration and to organize myself when I am depressed or anxious; that’s always been true. The difference now is, I’m aware of it. I know now that this was the real reason I could never finish a book let alone really get one started—my emotional struggles caused me to lose focus to the point that I just couldn’t get it together.

The other lesson I’ve learned is that I need to follow my own advice and when nothing good is coming or I’m just not feeling like working on a particular project, then I need to write something else, whether that something is journaling, writing a blog post, or working on another creative project. With regard to the latter, I’ve been forcing myself to stick with one creative writing project at a time out of fear I’ll never finish anything if I don’t make myself plow through, but I’ve realized that, by doing this, I’ve been hampering my own creativity (and as I noted above, the real problem for all those years was depression, not my tendency toward chaos-witchiness). I hate doing the same thing all the time; I get extremely bored and end up feeling constrained. I certainly need some structure to keep me on track, but instead of forcing myself to push on when my heart’s not really in it, I should instead embrace my own dynamic nature, be flexible, and work on whatever project I feel like on a given day (employ an organized chaos, so to speak). My hope is that by changing things up, I’ll avoid stagnating and will instead keep the embers of my creative fire burning.

Along the same lines, while my story ideas tend to be nonlinear, with scenes/flashes coming at random, I need to write in chapters. If I have a scene in my head, then I will write it but I also need to write what goes around or with it, connecting the dots. This will save me having to go back and fill in loads of blanks later and will help to keep me organized. I mean, even when Wanda was completely disrupting people’s lives, she still provided a substantial amount of structure. The least I can do is turn random scenes into full-fledged chapters (the fact that I have already done it is proof I can do it again).

So this will be my new process once I’ve moved over the stuff I’ve got in my notebooks. Maybe I’ll even consider going back to writing on the computer. Ha! Sorry, but computer writing for creative projects is reserved for revising . . . unless I find a good electronic approximation for a pen and notebook that can be transferred straight into the computer and integrate with Scrivener, but that’s another topic for another day.

Ranée

Silent All These Years

I got something to say but nothing comes
Yes, I know what you think of me, you never shut up
— Tori Amos, "Silent All These Years"

I spent most of my life embodying the above lyrics. I listened to everyone else talk. And talk. And talk. They seemed to never shut up, never pause to actually listen once in a while, and if I tried to speak or by some miracle managed to get a word in, it merely became a springboard for the talkers to start in again. I had things to say too. I wanted to be heard. But I couldn’t find my voice. I was like the Little Mermaid, sacrificing her voice to Ursula to be complacent.

Apart from the very bad, unhealthy habit of buying myself things I couldn’t afford, didn’t need, and in most cases, didn’t even want, I didn’t really do things for myself, took little action, and instead just let things happen to me even well into adulthood. As a result, I did a lot of things that I didn’t really want to but felt as if I had to. Those of us who do that seem to have this warped idea that we’re somehow being noble or caring or that it’s good to be so goddamn self-sacrificing because we’re supposed to care more about others than ourselves. Why do we crucify ourselves like that? We can care about others without being martyrs for crying out loud and it’s not selfish to give a shit about yourself, speak your mind, and say “no” to other people (you can do it politely). I think many of us who act this way have been bullied in the past and we’ve gotten used to just giving in to everyone else and forgetting about ourselves. We even find it difficult to figure out who we really are because we haven’t taken the time. Of course other people love you when you’re a martyr—why wouldn’t they? You do everything for them, nothing for yourself, make them look stellar, and you fade into the background like the shadow you’ve become. But, chances are, those people don’t respect you. Someone who respected you wouldn’t treat you like that in the first place and, moreover, they’d want to see you shine, not burn out and fade away. This line came to me in meditation: When you put yourself last, you don’t play the hero but rather the fool and ultimately you just end up resenting all the people you’re trying so hard to please (for more of my thoughts on this see Beginning to See the Light). I think it’s incredibly apt.

It’s still difficult for me to say no to people, to speak my mind and not let things fester. It feels strange. Taking action of my own volition instead of waiting for someone else to do something also feels foreign, but it’ll get easier. The important thing that I now remind myself of is that I have a voice and I need to use it. People will listen. And I can say no to people and things without feeling bad about doing it. Offering an explanation of my feelings helps, but so does knowing that the person I’m saying no to respects me enough to accept my response. If they don’t, then that speaks volumes about the nature of our relationship and is a cue to me that it’s one that perhaps I should rethink.

Blue is the color associated with the fifth chakra, the throat chakra. It’s the color of the candle a dear friend made for me to assist me with healing in this respect. Over the past several weeks, it’s cracked to the point where just moments ago, hot wax started spilling out through a hole and all over the desk. If that isn’t symbolic, I don’t know what is. Clearly, I have found my voice! As Tori sang, “it’s been here . . . silent all these years,” but not anymore.